baby blues, or... toddler blues

Bringing Natalie home has been such a wonderful experience for me, until yesterday. This baby has been so much easier in every way possible. She eats well, goes back to sleep well most all of the time, and Dan and I have a great "system" for taking care of both girls. I always worried about how Sam would react to the new baby, but I never considered how hard it would be for me to split time between them without feeling guilty! Yesterday was the first day I started having a really hard time with it.

Sam, by the way, is doing much better!!! She has started interacting with the baby more, and thanks to some good advice, we have tried to include her in things like bringing us bottles, diapers, and burp cloths, etc. She has started to adapt well to having a sister.

I think I experienced my first "baby blues" yesterday. When Samantha was born I was in tears many times because I was so darn exhausted. But yesterday it was more like my hormones kicked in. In the morning I had told Dan on the phone that I was really glad Sam was at school so that I could have a peaceful day, and when I heard those words come out of my mouth, something clicked inside of me that made me sad for saying it..... and I was sad all day. My little Sammi---who I used to run around with and play with and read to and laugh with... all of the sudden I was glad she was away for the day?!?! How could I think that way???? The guilt killed me all day and every time I pictured her cute little face I cried, literally. 

Dan has been gone each day because his dad and uncle are in town to install our bamboo floors at the studio (along with the help from my dad).... here are a few photos of their progress...

Dan's dad, Orlie working away...

Dan's uncle working hard too...

My dad putting down glue...

Piece by piece, it's a long, hard process... THANKS GUYS FOR WORKING SO HARD ON OUR NEW STUDIO!

One changing room done... about 30X more to do!!! Doesn't it look sweet?!

So back to my baby blues... Dan called me to check in yesterday and told me he had called my mom to ask her to watch Sam Thursday so I wouldn't be left with both kids and he could continue working at the studio. As much as this was a big help, it did not help my guilt, at all. Our "system" to take care of the girls is, in a nutshell, mostly for me to take care of Natalie while Dan takes care of Sam. Therefore, I have not really seen much of her over the last week which was starting to get really hard for me. Her being gone for one more day was killing me, especially knowing I was at home and would have down time in between Natalie's eating times that I could be spending with her, but would instead be sleeping and cleaning. It didn't seem like my priorities were in line. 

And, to add to the emotional mess, I have also been feeling like my newborn hasn't been getting the same amount of attention as Sammi did because when Sam is home, Natalie spends more time in her crib than she does in my arms or on my lap! Goodness gracious, am I fighting a losing battle?!?!

By the end of the day I was so tearful that I had to text Dan to tell him how hard of a time I was having because I couldn't really speak without crying. He, to lighten the mood, offered to bring me a cupcake to cheer me up. :) He also sweetly suggested that he take care of Natalie all evening while I take Samantha out for a dinner for just the two of us. I loved the idea. 

When they arrived, Sammi greeted Natalie by running up to her and saying "Hi Natalie!" She later looked over at her and said "Look at the baby! She is so cute!" It was priceless.

They didn't come home empty-handed. They had stopped on their way home and daddy let Sammi pick out cupcakes for mommy "because she was sad". :)

I offered several suggestions for Sam on where to eat and I was glad she picked Subway. :) I love taking her there for many reasons. I love the food, she will actually eat apple slices and turkey along with the chips she is always so excited to pick out, she always seems to love to sit like a big girl at their tables, it is never crowded, and I can leave without waiting on the bill to come. We had a really, really good time.

The most significant thing for me to take her out was probably to realize that she is in fact, only two years old. She was not nearly as excited about going to dinner with me as I was with her! I mean this in a very good way...that as I was sitting at home all day upset that she was not with me, she was still in her normal routine, getting all the love and attention she needed from school that day!

When we got home I gave her a bath, cut her nails, dried her hair, and then we went to her room for some good snuggle time and book-reading. It was an awesome night. :) Exactly what I needed. Just getting out of the house I think helped too. Today I am doing so much better. Sam is at grandma's house, and I am glad she has the opportunity to be spoiled by grandma while I get some rest and snuggle time with my newborn at home. (I have a sleeping, snuggling baby on my chest as I write.) :) I think we might have to make "Sammi and Mommy's Night Out" a weekly event. 

A special thanks to all of my friends who have given me such great advice and encouragement, as it has been a hard adjustment for me to make, and I continue to grow as a mom through the process. I know I am not alone and I am so thankful for all of your support!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE AND HUGS!!!!!!